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Heyyy,,

check my another blog also -> http://xxrejectedxx.deadjournal.com/

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It's Not Your Fault

It was a cold California,
Even in the summer
She was wrapped in a blanket by the pool
There were rapid statements
About life commitments
A sense of heat that I couldn't bear to touch
I couldn't bear it

It's not your fault,
So please stop your crying now
It's not your fault,
So please stop your crying now
Please stop your crying now
Now

There was staring in seclusion
A fine tuned way of motion
A face wrapped for a suitor
The sound of hearts pumping at the same beat
Coming around the corner
In almost all directions
A sense of heat that I couldn't bear to touch
No, I couldn't bear it

It's not your fault,
So please stop your crying now
It's not your fault,
So please stop your crying now
So please stop your crying

Now you wait for something to cure this
While I'm here under your down pour

It's not your fault,
So please stop your crying now
It's not your fault,
So please stop your crying
It's not your fault

It's not your fault,
So please stop your crying now
I'ts not your fault,
So please stop your crying now

No,It's not your fault,
So please stop your crying now
It's not your fault
Please stop crying now

SAYAT!

AYO MENYAYAT!
daging kambing
daging unta
daging kijang
daging domba

SAYATAN HATI YANG SEDANG RESAH

MARAH!!

HUJAN HUJATAN!!

TERIAKAN!!

dagingku
dagingku,,

MENGADUH!!!

MARI SAYAT DAGINGKU

cungkil lah,,,

hingga aku tak merasa apa-apa,,

Aku Kangen (Dunia Ini Indah Tanpamu)

kuhanya ingin tahu apa arti dari semua ini
semua perasaan yang kurasa
yang kutiti dengan hati-hati
seperti debur ombak yang menghantam karang lautan
seperti riak gelombang pasang mengalun di sela dinginnya malam
sungguh indah perasaan ini,,

inilah perasaanku
inilah gejolak jiwa yang sedang marah
yang sedang sedih
yang sedang ingin berteriak
yang sedang ingin mengaduh
mengeluh pada Tuhan

inginku merangkak di sela kegelapan malam
menyobek tabir yang menutupi segala terang nya
satu demi satu kata yang terucap dari bibir ini
rupanya hanya satu rasa yang kurasa

aku kangen,,

sekarang,
apakah aku sedang gila?

tidak, rupanya tidak,
aku hanya sedang mencari arti hidup
aku hanya sedang merentang asa
aku hanya sedang berdiam

dibalik nafinya diriku
kututupi dengan tahi-tahi hangat
manis madu dan pahit racun
aku hanya tidak ingin semua orang tahu kalau

aku kangen,,

bipolar,,

i love the pain
but i hate sufferin,,

i love to be lonely
but i'm afraid to be left away,,

i love to mourn
but i want to be happy,,

i love to slit my wrist
but i dun wanna die,,

i love to be honest
but i dun wanna everyone knows

i love to be me
but i just wanna be dead,,

my god! i got bipolar!

one night of mine,,

this place is dead,
and so am i,,
im walking around and see the stary night,,
i lift my head,
and see the sky,,
our promised star still set down right,,

i jump to bed
and start askin why,
i couldn't help, i can't sleep tight
this thought to shed,
feelin to cry
please just turn off the light,,

i wanna swallow these pills,
hit the trigger outta my head,,
the memories keep running still,,
don't say sorry when i'm dead,,

School Is So Uncool

one, two, three, four
i left all minutes to nearly hour
five, six, seven, eight
running around not to be late
nine, ten, eleven, twelve
I LOST MY TIME IN BOOK SHELF!

FUCK THE SCHOOL!!
WE NEED JOB NOT SCHOOL!!
I KNOW IT'S SO UNCOOL
WANNA TELL ME THE CORRECT TOOL TO?

What Do You Want To Be?

hi, my name is dika,, my friends used to call me 'dick' or 'dickhead', cuz i got funny name similar to that 'thing',, beside, before i got bald head and curvy shape of head with chubby cheek, made me much more similar to it,, but thats okay, im proud of my name,, rahadiandhika bagus widiandaru,, 'my son is a man who is a grace from God, we hope his life is righteous from today until later',,

born 18 years ago at 3 pm in calm, sunny afternoon,, it was a small hospital where i was born,, witnessed by 2 nurse and 1 doctor, without my dad,, yea, my mom said my dad was out in home for some reason, till now i got no clear reason behind it, i was born by caesar,, pretty much ticklish though,, cuz i am my mother's first born son,, it should be no caesar at all,, i have no idea about the pain,, as far as i know, caesar left no pain, cuz it was anesthized,, my position was not okay for normal birth,, so they decided to pull me out with caesar,, see, even when i was born i made trouble with them,, teehee,,

i didnt remember anything when those time passes,, all i can remember was a lil bit dark room and no sound at all,, i was taken by the nurse to a place where i got myself cleaned,, it was the first time i memorized what people called this world,, i still can remember the air, the warm water and the situation,, very calm,, and also, that hospital got a lot of trees which make the situation even more cool,, that is, 13 january 1989,, the day i was born,,

my mom and dad said i was so active when i was baby,, when i got my first baby-walker, i ran like hell,, go-that-way-and-this-way with full of speed,, just like running,, even when i am in bathroom,, i was still very excited with my new abilities,, that is 'walking',, yea,, i was one and couple of months,, and it came to disaster when i dropped myself to the ground,, i still can't remember how it felt but i bet it was so hurt,, no wonder why cuz i was never dropped myself before, moreover i was baby when that time,, my mom said i fell down the first time bathroom floor,, i escaped from my mom's guidance and ran into the bathroom,, it was slimy and i couldnt control myself,, and i fell down,, i was crying,, loud and clear,, maybe i was hoping someone to help me and taken care of me in that moment, that's why im crying,, but it wasnt,, yea of course i got myself risen up by my father but after that my father scold me,, and he spanked my butt,, it was hurt,, but even more hurt when my father was mad at me,, i was a baby but i could feel the disappoinment of my father,, i could feel the worries of my father,, i could feel my father's.. love,, in fact i realized just now that it was my first lesson. my first lesson of bravery, carefulness and obedience,, i didnt realize it until i grown up,, i thought my father was not love me, but that moment really help me not to be ordinary man,, my first lesson as a child,,

when i saw my baby photos, i realize that i love to laugh when i was baby,, 80% of it shown when i was laughin, or at least, smile,, i was sooo cute,, not meant to be narcist but its true,, everybody loved me because of my attitude,, chubby face, nice wavy hair and beautiful eyes,, my maid (when she was still alive) told me that i am the most handsome prince she ever saw,, hehe,, lil bit nice!

but actually its not,, when i was in kindegarten i was so coward,, i cried a lot,, when i didnt picked up in the game i went backside and cried,, when i was hitted by another child i cried again,, even i had no guts to enter the class without my mom,,

it was my first day in the kindegarten,, my first school,, my first socialization with people,, i was so coward like i told u,, i thought my mom would leave me alone with these people and never returned back,, she left me in the class with all of other unknown i had never known before,, i cried,,

after two hours spent in that hell i went out to look back after my mom,, and she was there,, watching me without moving outside on the window,, i was soo happy,, another lesson from my mother that nobody they loved will ever leave me,, i didnt realize it that time but i realized it now that they love me so much but they have funny way to show it,, at least funny enough for 3 years old child to realize,, hahha,,

(to be continued sampe saya mood lg bwt nglanjutinny :p)

hood,,

small kids in our hood asked their parents to change their cellphone every two months,,
while small kids in the hood struggle for water every day,,

small kids in our hood spent money in the starbucks coffee shop,,
while small kids in the hood struggle for food every day,,

small kids in our hood wasted their day for their boyfriend,,
while small kids in the hood struggle for attention from the world,,

small kids in our hood learnt love from their partner,,
while small kids in the hood learnt love from the street, where nobody cares bout them,,

small kids in our hood rode mercedes, bmw and lexus,,
while small kids in the hood struggle to keep on walking while their feet bleed,,

small kids in our hood bought beautiful flower to be given to their lover,,
while small kids in the hood struggle just to know what the real flower is,,

small kids slept in the warm room and water bed,,
while small kids in the hood slept in the ground surrounded with skies,,

small kids decided to have fun every day,,
while small kids in the hood struggle for a mile just to have 1 hour lesson,,

small kids in our hood wore guess, prada and channel,,
while small kids in the hood wore another people's dress,,

small kids in our hood wore expensive jeweleries,,
while small kids in the hood struggle just to keep alive,,

small kids in our hood always complain how bad their food is,,
while small kids in the hood even sleep with hunger every day,,

small kids in our hood cried why they had a bad life,,
while small kids in the hood struggle just to keep smiling every day,,

we call this place hood,,
and they call their place heaven,,


xoxo,
xxrejectedxx