hood,,

small kids in our hood asked their parents to change their cellphone every two months,,
while small kids in the hood struggle for water every day,,

small kids in our hood spent money in the starbucks coffee shop,,
while small kids in the hood struggle for food every day,,

small kids in our hood wasted their day for their boyfriend,,
while small kids in the hood struggle for attention from the world,,

small kids in our hood learnt love from their partner,,
while small kids in the hood learnt love from the street, where nobody cares bout them,,

small kids in our hood rode mercedes, bmw and lexus,,
while small kids in the hood struggle to keep on walking while their feet bleed,,

small kids in our hood bought beautiful flower to be given to their lover,,
while small kids in the hood struggle just to know what the real flower is,,

small kids slept in the warm room and water bed,,
while small kids in the hood slept in the ground surrounded with skies,,

small kids decided to have fun every day,,
while small kids in the hood struggle for a mile just to have 1 hour lesson,,

small kids in our hood wore guess, prada and channel,,
while small kids in the hood wore another people's dress,,

small kids in our hood wore expensive jeweleries,,
while small kids in the hood struggle just to keep alive,,

small kids in our hood always complain how bad their food is,,
while small kids in the hood even sleep with hunger every day,,

small kids in our hood cried why they had a bad life,,
while small kids in the hood struggle just to keep smiling every day,,

we call this place hood,,
and they call their place heaven,,


xoxo,
xxrejectedxx

haiku makasi temple,,

when i am hungry,,

i look no further to one

place we called temple,,

haiku, 19 dec 2006

ABCD

huahh,, ada yang mulai nglanjutin blog ni y,, saya juga tidak mau kalah! huahuah,,

tetapi apakah yang mau saya tulis?

halah,,

cape la,,

abcd:

ah, bego! cape dee,,


xoxo,
xxrejectedxx

haiku tangis,,

anjing menggonggong
ya, kafilah berlalu,
ku pun begitu,,

berteriaklah,
mengaduhlah wanita,
ku tak mau tahu,,

cukup bagiku,
sakitku terhadapmu
bagai lembayung,,

ini hujanku,
badai, tetes di mata,
ku ingin pergi,,

surga menjelang,
neraka menjilatku,
aku pun mati,,

haiku, 15 dec 2006

heartbreaker?? huahuahauaha

hihihihiihh,, kadang gw suka geli sendiri tiap kali liat fs mantan gw,, hihihiihh,, y elaa,, heartbreaker?? huahuahauahaha,, anjingg,, sumpaa,, ngakakk abis gw,, huahuahauahauha,, heartbreaker yahh??? huahuahauhauaha,, XDDDD

y mpunn,, sobb,, lo da ngancurin ati sapaa?? gw?? sorii niy kalo gw rada geer dikitt,, tapi y mpunnnn,, justru gw malah seneng lageeh,, ati gw g serapuh itu koo,, dannn,, lebih lagi, dari dulu gw emang g punya perasaan papa ke elo koo,, swear. i was just tryin to work it upp. but it didnt workk,, lagiann,, sapa dulu yang ngmg2 minta balikk,, huahauhuahauha,, y mpunnn,, dasr bocahh,,

anjingg,, huahauahuahauaha,, anjingggg,, kocak abis da lo yaa,,

i trusted her so much. within all of my heart. i DO love her. i kno i did so many fucked up things in the past...

dunno what to think.

nor to say.

i want to be with her always.

everybody doesnt know what i felt

huhu

haeh

males

TAI

...me...

eyy...

why does it feel so sucks to be alone again... when u got nothin to do, when u r left behind, when no one understands u, when u have no friends... ahahah... but kno what... i enjoyed it, sumhow. i felt like im the most perfect man in the world. too perfect for them to realize. they cant see the bright future deep inside my eyes. they cant feel the warmth of myself. they cant understand about a man that only has one shout to the people: "i juz dun want to be alone"...

haha..

pathetic isnt it?

yeap. pathetic=a desperate man seeking for real love... he even died for that... know he's killing himself... now... by smoking, then by drugs, after that i want to be killed by a shotgun. either it'll be done by me or by somebody... hahah...

suicide... nice word isnt it? very beautiful word that can affect every people's mind and heart... it contradicted itself by the nature of religion. the culture. the people. they only can say 'dont' without giving the solution. so what's their points? dunno yet, but my next ambition is to spread out my shoutout to the world -> 'suicide is best way to end up ur problem'... suicide man.. suicide! im just a weak capricornian who seeks some kind of love.

love? is that another 'nice' word done by me...? NAH... its not!!! love is sucks... dunno why... i just felt like so... cuz everytime i try to love sumone, she always left me with the most sickening act. fuck! i hate it, man... i fuckin hate it... thats why, right now im too scared to make love with everybody. including boys. i fuckin hate relationship, dude... see... i told u, im capricornians... and every capricornians had suicidal tendencies inside our head. no matter how small it is, every capricornians have...

ahhh... sucks... i just want to break up a lil bit. im so fuckin tired and so fuckin sick from all of this. i fuckin' hate everybody. i fuckin' hate myself. i just want to die, man... i just want to put a nice shotgun inside my mouth and start triggering it. just like kurt cobain did...

but,

i won't die as a stranger. I WILL DIE AS WELL KNOWN PERSON. no matter i'll be a rockstar, politician or rapist. i swear everyone will know me and after that... bam... i'll shoot my own head... ahhh... cant wait for that moment to come... ahahahah...

see, im psycho isnt it?

well, the correct term for that is schyzophrenia...

sumhow, i felt like i have a different 'me'. and that different 'me' is always pushing and pushing me to straight up a lil bit. but fuck man, i can't. i juz want to be me. i want to kill the other me. so that's why i want to kill myself...

ahhh... fuck...

go fuck ur mom,
i'm leaving now...

xoxo,
xxrejectedxx

...Love, Like...

In front of the person you like, your heart beats faster
But..
In front of the person you love, you get happy

In front of the person you like, winter is just beautiful winter
But..
In front of the person you love, winter seems like spring

If you look into the eyes of the one you like, you blush
But..
If you look into the eyes of the one you love, you smile

In front of the person you like, you tend to get shy
But..
In front of the person you love, you can show your own self

You can't look straight into the eyes of the one you like
But..
You can always smile and stare into the eyes of the one you love

When the one you like is crying, you end up comforting
But..
When the one you love is crying, you cry with them

The feeling of like starts from the ear
But..
The feeling of love starts from the eye

So

If you stop liking a person u used to like,
all you need to do is cover your ears
But..
If you try to close your eyes,
love turns into a drop of tears and remains in your heart

forever

...How Fool I Am...

how fool i am

i let you touched my heart

how fool i am

i filled my mind with memories about you

how fool i am

i put my hope on you

how fool i am

i closed the window of my heart for the other stars

how fool i am

because i thought that you’re my morning star

how fool i am

i haven’t realize that i’m not allowed to wait you anymore

how fool i am

because i still see you as my morning star

The Suicidal Note of Kurt Donald Cobain, 1967-1994

To Boddah

Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complain-ee. This note should be pretty easy to understand.

All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years, since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community has proven to be very true. I haven't felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guity beyond words about these things.

For example when we're back stage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowds begins., it doesn't affect me the way in which it did for Freddie Mercury, who seemed to love, relish in the the love and adoration from the crowd which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can't fool you, any one of you. It simply isn't fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I'm having 100% fun. Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on stage. I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it (and I do,God, believe me I do, but it's not enough). I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. It must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they're gone. I'm too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasms I once had as a child.

On our last 3 tours, I've had a much better appreciation for all the people I've known personally, and as fans of our music, but I still can't get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There's good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little, sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man. Why don't you just enjoy it? I don't know!

I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds me too much of what i used to be, full of love and joy, kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function. I can't stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable, self-destructive, death rocker that I've become.

I have it good, very good, and I'm grateful, but since the age of seven, I've become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along that have empathy. Only because I love and feel sorry for people too much I guess.

Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I'm too much of an erratic, moody baby! I don't have the passion anymore, and so remember, it's better to burn out than to fade away.

Peace, love, empathy.

Kurt Cobain

Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your alter.
Please keep going Courtney, for Frances.
For her life, which will be so much happier without me.

I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!

ps. : ... someday I would like to die like he did... Ummmhh... How 'bout now?

...Cigarette...

Watching the days burning out like a cigarette, just a few drags to go
You built me up and you broke me down somehow
Everything just seemed so clear to me, nothing left to know
I'll love you right and I'll love you pure, right now

How can you say, that it's too late
To save us now

And I would wait for you (oh), if you would wait for me (yeah)
And I will wait for you (oh), if you will wait for me (yeah)

Intoxicated the edge is serrated, so easily torn from the core
I blushed the first time, but you blushed the last time my eyes in your mind
Regenerated these feelings of hatred, I long for your love evermore
You built me up and you broke me down this time

And I would wait for you (oh), if you would wait for me (yeah)
And I will wait for you (oh), if you will wait for me (yeah)

How can you say, that it's too late
To save us now

How can you say

...aiiihhhh...

...beruntung bgt gw bisa duduk sebelahan ma cewe cakeppp...

.

.

.

.

.

...God, if these is your plan, please let me be her boyfriend...

:-p

...HAI...

HAIIII YANG LAGI LIATIN BLOG SAYA...


BAGI NO TELP NY DUNXX....


:-P

!!!No one like Mother, Love You!!!

When you were 1 year old, she fed you and bathed you.
You thanked her by crying all night long.

When you were 2 years old, she taught you to walk.
You thanked her by running away when she called.

When you were 3 years old, she made all your meals with love.
You thanked her by tossing your plate on the floor.

When you were 4 years old, she gave you some crayons.
You thanked her by coloring the dining room table.

When you were 5 years old, she dressed you for the holidays.
You thanked her by plopping into the nearest pile of mud.

When you were 6 years old, she walked you toschool.
You thanked her by screaming, "I'M NOT GOING!"

When you were 7 years old, she bought you a baseball.
You thanked her by throwing it through the next-door-neighbor's window.

When you were 8 years old, she handed you an ice cream.
You thanked her by dripping it all overyour lap.

When you were 9 years old, she paid for piano lessons.
You thanked her by never even bothering to practice.

When you were 10 years old she drove you all day, from soccer to gymnastic to one birthday party after another.
You thanked her by jumping out of the car and never looking back.

When you were 11 years old, she took you and your friends to the movies.
You thanked her by asking to sit in a different row.

When you were 12 years old, she warned you not to watch certain TV shows.
You thanked her by waiting until she left the house.

When you were 13, she suggested a haircut that was becoming.
You thanked her by telling her she had no taste.

When you were 14, she paid for a month away at summer camp.
You thanked her by forgetting to write a single letter.

When you were 15, she came home from work, looking for a hug.
You thanked her by having your bedroom door locked.

When you were 16, she taught you how todrive her car.
You thanked her by taking it every chance you could.

When you were 17, she was expecting an important call.
You thanked her by being on the phone all night.

When you were 18, she cried at your highschool graduation.
You thanked her by staying out partying until dawn.

When you were 19, she paid for your college tuition, drove you to campus carried your bags.
You thanked her by saying good-bye outside the dorm so you wouldn't be embarrassed in front of your friends.

When you were 20, she asked whether you were seeing anyone.
You thanked her by saying, "It's none of your business."

When you were 21, she suggested certain careers for your future.
You thanked her by saying, "I don't want to be like you."

When you were 22, she hugged you at your college graduation.
You thanked her by asking whether she could pay for a trip to Europe.

When you were 23, she gave you furniture for your first apartment.
You thanked her by telling your friends it was ugly.

When you were 24, she met your fiance and asked about your plans for the future.
You thanked her by glaring and growling, "Muuhh-ther,please!"

When you were 25, she helped to pay for your wedding, and she cried and told you how deeply she loved you.
You thanked her bymoving halfway across the country.

When you were 30, she called with some advice on the baby.
You thanked her by telling her, "Things are different now."

When you were 40, she called to remind you of a relative's birthday.
You thanked her by saying youw ere "really busy right now."

When you were 50, she fell ill and needed you to take care of her.
You thanked her by reading about the burden parents become to their children.

And then, one day, she quietly died. And everything you never did came crashing down like thunder on YOUR HEART...

...Slight Little Notes From Yesterday's Opening Ceremonial...

Meet Tommy. One of kewl guy from Myanmar.

And the next to him is Dika (it's me :-p), the kewlest guy in Shelton. :-p

See? I'm VERY KEWL!!! :-p

Am I look like a Myanmarese guy or not? :-p

With people from Myanmarese embassy.. :-p

Who's he? Meet ... (fuck, I forgot his name... :-p). One of the kewlest Bangladeshian guy.

Uuuhhh... Sy gak tau harus seneng ato harus (sigh...) sedih begitu saya nyampe di tanah antah berantah ini. Kesan pertamanya sehh, asik juga... Semuanya klin bgt, man!!! Serba teratur!!! Malah kalo kamu2 smua liat dijalanan y, para sopir2 mobilnya tu taat bgt ma peraturan jalanan. Mereka tu kayaknya saling ngalah buat ngasih jalan duluan buat mobil di belakangnya... Wahh... Salut bgt... Sampe saya mikir gini, kalo gini terus kapan nyampenya tu mobil... :-p

Dih, tapi pas hari pertama saya di bagian imigrasi tu rese bgt... Masa cuman saya ma bokap saya yang digeledah barang2nya... Sementara orang2 lain kaga diperiksa... Lucu kan... Mentang2 saya orang Indo... Uhhh... Tapi emang, tu orang Imigrasi yang dari India asli rese... Rokok... Yang gw bw cuman 3 bungkus... Diwajibin bayar pajak, jek.. $500... !!!AnJInGgGGgg!!!

Tapi ya sudahlah... $500 dolar ini... Apalah artinya buat saya ini (ciieehh.... :-p). Setelah saya menunggu hampir kurang lebih 2 jam di Harbor Front (kita salah paham sama orang dari college saya... :-p), dan terkagum-kagum oleh negara ini (maklum... orang udik... :-p)... Sampailah saya di tempat kuliah saya sekaligus tempat tinggal saya selama beberapa tahun ini.

Kesan pertama c...

Begitu gw jalan dikit...

Saat gw liat kamar gw...

Liat kamar mandinya...


Gw bukannya kenapa2 c jek y... Dan sorry too say aja ni y, bukan maksud gw untuk ngebanding2in... Tapi sumpah... GEDUNGNYA JUELLEEKKK BGT.... Kalah ma Dempo... Kamarnya... Beee... jangan ditanya... Masih lebih keren kamar pembokat gw... Aaraarrgghhhh... Yang lebih parah lagi, gw tu satu kamar ma orang Cina yang SAMA SEKALI GAK BISA BAHASA INGGRIS!!! Naa tu, coba bayangin, gimana perasaan lo saat itu... Untung aja selama 2 minggu ada anak2 dari Global Prestasi yang summer camp di Shelton ini... jadi paling engga masih nyambung lahh, kalo diajak ngomong... :-p

Eh, tapi ini sekedar sharing aja c ya... Kayaknya tu Tuhan punya rencana sendiri dengan nempatin gw di tempat kaya gini. Dengan disini gw tu ngerasa bisa makin deket ma Tuhan, dan percaya ato gak, Tuhan tu selalu ngejawab doa kita dengan cara yang gak terduga!

Contohnya gini nih ya, disuatu malem gw lagi saat teduh (selama disini gw jadi makin sering buat saat teduh... :-p), gw trus doa sama Tuhan biar besok hari2 gw engga nge-bete-in... Eh beneran, besoknya gw cabut ma anak2 Global maen ke Orchard, en muter2 ampe kaki pada budut... :-p Trus ada lagi, gw tu doa biar gw punya temen orang asing, eh beneran, malemnya gw kenalan ma orang Nepal... :-p

Aduh, pokoknya lo pade kaga' rugi dah kalo lo doa sama Tuhan Yesus... Tuhan selalu tau yang terbaik buat kita. Sekarang gw pun yakin kalo Tuhan nempatin gw di barak tentara gini pasti ada alasannya... Gw yakin, pasti suatu hari nanti gw dapet jawabannya... Yang pingin gw tekankan disini adalah, Tuhan itu hidup! Dan Tuhan selalu denger doa kamu, dan ngejawabnya, entah dalam cara apapun...!!!

!!!Remember This, Kids!!!

A lot of people don't want to make their own decisions. They're too scared. It's much easier to be told what to do.
Marilyn Manson

Anybody intelligent enough to realize what America is, is not going to sit around and do nothing about it. They're going to be the same way that I am. They're going to be the same way our fans are. They're going to be pissed.
Marilyn Manson

Find out what's really out there. I never said to be like me, I say be like you and make a difference.
Marilyn Manson

I never said to be like me, I say to be like you and make a difference.
Marilyn Manson

I think art is the only thing that's spiritual in the world. And I refuse to forced to believe in other people's interpretations of God. I don't think anybody should be. No one person can own the copyright to what God means.
Marilyn Manson

I view my job as being someone who is supposed to piss people off. I don't want to be just one-of-the-guys. I don't want to be just a smiling face you see on television presenting some vapid kind of easily-digestible garbage.
Marilyn Manson

In the end we're all Jerry Springer Show guests, really, we just haven't been on the show. Marilyn Manson

Is adult entertainment killing our children? or is killing our children entertaining our adults?
Marilyn Manson

It's the whole Nietzche philosophy of you are your own God. That's why I debase myself in the concerts and tell people to spit on me. I'm saying to them 'You are no different from me'. Marilyn Manson

Marilyn Monroe wasn't even her real name, Charles Manson isn't his real name, and now, I'm taking that to be my real name. But what's real? You can't find the truth, you just pick the lie you like the best.
Marilyn Manson

Part of me is afraid to get close to people because I'm afraid that they're going to leave.
Marilyn Manson

The burden of originality is one that most people don't want to accept. They'd rather sit in front of the TV and let that tell them what they're supposed to like, what they're supposed to buy, and what they're supposed to laugh at.
Marilyn Manson

The word 'Antichrist', to me, is the collective disbelief in god.
Marilyn Manson

These people are artists. These people are musicians. They're taking it out and trying to express it that way.
Marilyn Manson

They'll see it. And it doesn't matter if they don't. It's only Rock 'n' Roll. But I do intend to move more into the Mainstream. Marilyn Manson is just the First phase.
Marilyn Manson

We live in a society of victimization, where people are much more comfortable being victimized than actually standing up for themselves.
Marilyn Manson

What happens someday if more people own my record than the bible? That will make me god because a lot more people believe in me than HIM? Because it's just about popularity. There are plenty of people in the world how have never heard of Jesus, while America takes him for granted.
Marilyn Manson

When all of your wishes are granted, many of your dreams will be destroyed.
Marilyn Manson

When you're taught to love everyone, to love your enemies, then what value does that place on love?
Marilyn Manson

!!!Bangga:Pride:Priden:Wakzz:Gdubrak!!!

Uggghhh... Nilai-Nilaiku...

->

B. Indonesia -> 9.20

B. Inggris -> 9.60

Ekonomi -> 6.82

ANjJIINnnGGggg....

Kalo dari semula saya sadar betapa pintarnya saya ini, saya akan lebih giat belajar biar nilai2 itu jadi lebih baik lagiiii....!!!!!!!!

Gileee... Gak nyangka saya, ekonomi saya bisa dapet nilai 7 kurangg....

Apalagi ditambah dengan dua buah angka 9......

......WaawaAwaAwawawwawawawaw.....

!!!I'M SO DAMN PROUD OF MYSELF!!!