Heyyy,,
check my another blog also -> http://xxrejectedxx.deadjournal.com/
pls do drop a comment or two, kay!
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Sunday, April 15, 2007
It's Not Your Fault
It was a cold California,
Even in the summer
She was wrapped in a blanket by the pool
There were rapid statements
About life commitments
A sense of heat that I couldn't bear to touch
I couldn't bear it
It's not your fault,
So please stop your crying now
It's not your fault,
So please stop your crying now
Please stop your crying now
Now
There was staring in seclusion
A fine tuned way of motion
A face wrapped for a suitor
The sound of hearts pumping at the same beat
Coming around the corner
In almost all directions
A sense of heat that I couldn't bear to touch
No, I couldn't bear it
It's not your fault,
So please stop your crying now
It's not your fault,
So please stop your crying now
So please stop your crying
Now you wait for something to cure this
While I'm here under your down pour
It's not your fault,
So please stop your crying now
It's not your fault,
So please stop your crying
It's not your fault
It's not your fault,
So please stop your crying now
I'ts not your fault,
So please stop your crying now
No,It's not your fault,
So please stop your crying now
It's not your fault
Please stop crying now
Even in the summer
She was wrapped in a blanket by the pool
There were rapid statements
About life commitments
A sense of heat that I couldn't bear to touch
I couldn't bear it
It's not your fault,
So please stop your crying now
It's not your fault,
So please stop your crying now
Please stop your crying now
Now
There was staring in seclusion
A fine tuned way of motion
A face wrapped for a suitor
The sound of hearts pumping at the same beat
Coming around the corner
In almost all directions
A sense of heat that I couldn't bear to touch
No, I couldn't bear it
It's not your fault,
So please stop your crying now
It's not your fault,
So please stop your crying now
So please stop your crying
Now you wait for something to cure this
While I'm here under your down pour
It's not your fault,
So please stop your crying now
It's not your fault,
So please stop your crying
It's not your fault
It's not your fault,
So please stop your crying now
I'ts not your fault,
So please stop your crying now
No,It's not your fault,
So please stop your crying now
It's not your fault
Please stop crying now
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
SAYAT!
AYO MENYAYAT!
daging kambing
daging unta
daging kijang
daging domba
SAYATAN HATI YANG SEDANG RESAH
MARAH!!
HUJAN HUJATAN!!
TERIAKAN!!
dagingku
dagingku,,
MENGADUH!!!
MARI SAYAT DAGINGKU
cungkil lah,,,
hingga aku tak merasa apa-apa,,
daging kambing
daging unta
daging kijang
daging domba
SAYATAN HATI YANG SEDANG RESAH
MARAH!!
HUJAN HUJATAN!!
TERIAKAN!!
dagingku
dagingku,,
MENGADUH!!!
MARI SAYAT DAGINGKU
cungkil lah,,,
hingga aku tak merasa apa-apa,,
Aku Kangen (Dunia Ini Indah Tanpamu)
kuhanya ingin tahu apa arti dari semua ini
semua perasaan yang kurasa
yang kutiti dengan hati-hati
seperti debur ombak yang menghantam karang lautan
seperti riak gelombang pasang mengalun di sela dinginnya malam
sungguh indah perasaan ini,,
inilah perasaanku
inilah gejolak jiwa yang sedang marah
yang sedang sedih
yang sedang ingin berteriak
yang sedang ingin mengaduh
mengeluh pada Tuhan
inginku merangkak di sela kegelapan malam
menyobek tabir yang menutupi segala terang nya
satu demi satu kata yang terucap dari bibir ini
rupanya hanya satu rasa yang kurasa
aku kangen,,
sekarang,
apakah aku sedang gila?
tidak, rupanya tidak,
aku hanya sedang mencari arti hidup
aku hanya sedang merentang asa
aku hanya sedang berdiam
dibalik nafinya diriku
kututupi dengan tahi-tahi hangat
manis madu dan pahit racun
aku hanya tidak ingin semua orang tahu kalau
aku kangen,,
semua perasaan yang kurasa
yang kutiti dengan hati-hati
seperti debur ombak yang menghantam karang lautan
seperti riak gelombang pasang mengalun di sela dinginnya malam
sungguh indah perasaan ini,,
inilah perasaanku
inilah gejolak jiwa yang sedang marah
yang sedang sedih
yang sedang ingin berteriak
yang sedang ingin mengaduh
mengeluh pada Tuhan
inginku merangkak di sela kegelapan malam
menyobek tabir yang menutupi segala terang nya
satu demi satu kata yang terucap dari bibir ini
rupanya hanya satu rasa yang kurasa
aku kangen,,
sekarang,
apakah aku sedang gila?
tidak, rupanya tidak,
aku hanya sedang mencari arti hidup
aku hanya sedang merentang asa
aku hanya sedang berdiam
dibalik nafinya diriku
kututupi dengan tahi-tahi hangat
manis madu dan pahit racun
aku hanya tidak ingin semua orang tahu kalau
aku kangen,,
Monday, April 09, 2007
bipolar,,
i love the pain
but i hate sufferin,,
i love to be lonely
but i'm afraid to be left away,,
i love to mourn
but i want to be happy,,
i love to slit my wrist
but i dun wanna die,,
i love to be honest
but i dun wanna everyone knows
i love to be me
but i just wanna be dead,,
my god! i got bipolar!
but i hate sufferin,,
i love to be lonely
but i'm afraid to be left away,,
i love to mourn
but i want to be happy,,
i love to slit my wrist
but i dun wanna die,,
i love to be honest
but i dun wanna everyone knows
i love to be me
but i just wanna be dead,,
my god! i got bipolar!
one night of mine,,
this place is dead,
and so am i,,
im walking around and see the stary night,,
i lift my head,
and see the sky,,
our promised star still set down right,,
i jump to bed
and start askin why,
i couldn't help, i can't sleep tight
this thought to shed,
feelin to cry
please just turn off the light,,
i wanna swallow these pills,
hit the trigger outta my head,,
the memories keep running still,,
don't say sorry when i'm dead,,
and so am i,,
im walking around and see the stary night,,
i lift my head,
and see the sky,,
our promised star still set down right,,
i jump to bed
and start askin why,
i couldn't help, i can't sleep tight
this thought to shed,
feelin to cry
please just turn off the light,,
i wanna swallow these pills,
hit the trigger outta my head,,
the memories keep running still,,
don't say sorry when i'm dead,,
Friday, April 06, 2007
School Is So Uncool
one, two, three, four
i left all minutes to nearly hour
five, six, seven, eight
running around not to be late
nine, ten, eleven, twelve
I LOST MY TIME IN BOOK SHELF!
FUCK THE SCHOOL!!
WE NEED JOB NOT SCHOOL!!
I KNOW IT'S SO UNCOOL
WANNA TELL ME THE CORRECT TOOL TO?
i left all minutes to nearly hour
five, six, seven, eight
running around not to be late
nine, ten, eleven, twelve
I LOST MY TIME IN BOOK SHELF!
FUCK THE SCHOOL!!
WE NEED JOB NOT SCHOOL!!
I KNOW IT'S SO UNCOOL
WANNA TELL ME THE CORRECT TOOL TO?
Sunday, April 01, 2007
What Do You Want To Be?
hi, my name is dika,, my friends used to call me 'dick' or 'dickhead', cuz i got funny name similar to that 'thing',, beside, before i got bald head and curvy shape of head with chubby cheek, made me much more similar to it,, but thats okay, im proud of my name,, rahadiandhika bagus widiandaru,, 'my son is a man who is a grace from God, we hope his life is righteous from today until later',,
born 18 years ago at 3 pm in calm, sunny afternoon,, it was a small hospital where i was born,, witnessed by 2 nurse and 1 doctor, without my dad,, yea, my mom said my dad was out in home for some reason, till now i got no clear reason behind it, i was born by caesar,, pretty much ticklish though,, cuz i am my mother's first born son,, it should be no caesar at all,, i have no idea about the pain,, as far as i know, caesar left no pain, cuz it was anesthized,, my position was not okay for normal birth,, so they decided to pull me out with caesar,, see, even when i was born i made trouble with them,, teehee,,
i didnt remember anything when those time passes,, all i can remember was a lil bit dark room and no sound at all,, i was taken by the nurse to a place where i got myself cleaned,, it was the first time i memorized what people called this world,, i still can remember the air, the warm water and the situation,, very calm,, and also, that hospital got a lot of trees which make the situation even more cool,, that is, 13 january 1989,, the day i was born,,
my mom and dad said i was so active when i was baby,, when i got my first baby-walker, i ran like hell,, go-that-way-and-this-way with full of speed,, just like running,, even when i am in bathroom,, i was still very excited with my new abilities,, that is 'walking',, yea,, i was one and couple of months,, and it came to disaster when i dropped myself to the ground,, i still can't remember how it felt but i bet it was so hurt,, no wonder why cuz i was never dropped myself before, moreover i was baby when that time,, my mom said i fell down the first time bathroom floor,, i escaped from my mom's guidance and ran into the bathroom,, it was slimy and i couldnt control myself,, and i fell down,, i was crying,, loud and clear,, maybe i was hoping someone to help me and taken care of me in that moment, that's why im crying,, but it wasnt,, yea of course i got myself risen up by my father but after that my father scold me,, and he spanked my butt,, it was hurt,, but even more hurt when my father was mad at me,, i was a baby but i could feel the disappoinment of my father,, i could feel the worries of my father,, i could feel my father's.. love,, in fact i realized just now that it was my first lesson. my first lesson of bravery, carefulness and obedience,, i didnt realize it until i grown up,, i thought my father was not love me, but that moment really help me not to be ordinary man,, my first lesson as a child,,
when i saw my baby photos, i realize that i love to laugh when i was baby,, 80% of it shown when i was laughin, or at least, smile,, i was sooo cute,, not meant to be narcist but its true,, everybody loved me because of my attitude,, chubby face, nice wavy hair and beautiful eyes,, my maid (when she was still alive) told me that i am the most handsome prince she ever saw,, hehe,, lil bit nice!
but actually its not,, when i was in kindegarten i was so coward,, i cried a lot,, when i didnt picked up in the game i went backside and cried,, when i was hitted by another child i cried again,, even i had no guts to enter the class without my mom,,
it was my first day in the kindegarten,, my first school,, my first socialization with people,, i was so coward like i told u,, i thought my mom would leave me alone with these people and never returned back,, she left me in the class with all of other unknown i had never known before,, i cried,,
after two hours spent in that hell i went out to look back after my mom,, and she was there,, watching me without moving outside on the window,, i was soo happy,, another lesson from my mother that nobody they loved will ever leave me,, i didnt realize it that time but i realized it now that they love me so much but they have funny way to show it,, at least funny enough for 3 years old child to realize,, hahha,,
(to be continued sampe saya mood lg bwt nglanjutinny :p)
born 18 years ago at 3 pm in calm, sunny afternoon,, it was a small hospital where i was born,, witnessed by 2 nurse and 1 doctor, without my dad,, yea, my mom said my dad was out in home for some reason, till now i got no clear reason behind it, i was born by caesar,, pretty much ticklish though,, cuz i am my mother's first born son,, it should be no caesar at all,, i have no idea about the pain,, as far as i know, caesar left no pain, cuz it was anesthized,, my position was not okay for normal birth,, so they decided to pull me out with caesar,, see, even when i was born i made trouble with them,, teehee,,
i didnt remember anything when those time passes,, all i can remember was a lil bit dark room and no sound at all,, i was taken by the nurse to a place where i got myself cleaned,, it was the first time i memorized what people called this world,, i still can remember the air, the warm water and the situation,, very calm,, and also, that hospital got a lot of trees which make the situation even more cool,, that is, 13 january 1989,, the day i was born,,
my mom and dad said i was so active when i was baby,, when i got my first baby-walker, i ran like hell,, go-that-way-and-this-way with full of speed,, just like running,, even when i am in bathroom,, i was still very excited with my new abilities,, that is 'walking',, yea,, i was one and couple of months,, and it came to disaster when i dropped myself to the ground,, i still can't remember how it felt but i bet it was so hurt,, no wonder why cuz i was never dropped myself before, moreover i was baby when that time,, my mom said i fell down the first time bathroom floor,, i escaped from my mom's guidance and ran into the bathroom,, it was slimy and i couldnt control myself,, and i fell down,, i was crying,, loud and clear,, maybe i was hoping someone to help me and taken care of me in that moment, that's why im crying,, but it wasnt,, yea of course i got myself risen up by my father but after that my father scold me,, and he spanked my butt,, it was hurt,, but even more hurt when my father was mad at me,, i was a baby but i could feel the disappoinment of my father,, i could feel the worries of my father,, i could feel my father's.. love,, in fact i realized just now that it was my first lesson. my first lesson of bravery, carefulness and obedience,, i didnt realize it until i grown up,, i thought my father was not love me, but that moment really help me not to be ordinary man,, my first lesson as a child,,
when i saw my baby photos, i realize that i love to laugh when i was baby,, 80% of it shown when i was laughin, or at least, smile,, i was sooo cute,, not meant to be narcist but its true,, everybody loved me because of my attitude,, chubby face, nice wavy hair and beautiful eyes,, my maid (when she was still alive) told me that i am the most handsome prince she ever saw,, hehe,, lil bit nice!
but actually its not,, when i was in kindegarten i was so coward,, i cried a lot,, when i didnt picked up in the game i went backside and cried,, when i was hitted by another child i cried again,, even i had no guts to enter the class without my mom,,
it was my first day in the kindegarten,, my first school,, my first socialization with people,, i was so coward like i told u,, i thought my mom would leave me alone with these people and never returned back,, she left me in the class with all of other unknown i had never known before,, i cried,,
after two hours spent in that hell i went out to look back after my mom,, and she was there,, watching me without moving outside on the window,, i was soo happy,, another lesson from my mother that nobody they loved will ever leave me,, i didnt realize it that time but i realized it now that they love me so much but they have funny way to show it,, at least funny enough for 3 years old child to realize,, hahha,,
(to be continued sampe saya mood lg bwt nglanjutinny :p)
Sunday, December 31, 2006
hood,,
small kids in our hood asked their parents to change their cellphone every two months,,
while small kids in the hood struggle for water every day,,
small kids in our hood spent money in the starbucks coffee shop,,
while small kids in the hood struggle for food every day,,
small kids in our hood wasted their day for their boyfriend,,
while small kids in the hood struggle for attention from the world,,
small kids in our hood learnt love from their partner,,
while small kids in the hood learnt love from the street, where nobody cares bout them,,
small kids in our hood rode mercedes, bmw and lexus,,
while small kids in the hood struggle to keep on walking while their feet bleed,,
small kids in our hood bought beautiful flower to be given to their lover,,
while small kids in the hood struggle just to know what the real flower is,,
small kids slept in the warm room and water bed,,
while small kids in the hood slept in the ground surrounded with skies,,
small kids decided to have fun every day,,
while small kids in the hood struggle for a mile just to have 1 hour lesson,,
small kids in our hood wore guess, prada and channel,,
while small kids in the hood wore another people's dress,,
small kids in our hood wore expensive jeweleries,,
while small kids in the hood struggle just to keep alive,,
small kids in our hood always complain how bad their food is,,
while small kids in the hood even sleep with hunger every day,,
small kids in our hood cried why they had a bad life,,
while small kids in the hood struggle just to keep smiling every day,,
we call this place hood,,
and they call their place heaven,,
xoxo,
xxrejectedxx
while small kids in the hood struggle for water every day,,
small kids in our hood spent money in the starbucks coffee shop,,
while small kids in the hood struggle for food every day,,
small kids in our hood wasted their day for their boyfriend,,
while small kids in the hood struggle for attention from the world,,
small kids in our hood learnt love from their partner,,
while small kids in the hood learnt love from the street, where nobody cares bout them,,
small kids in our hood rode mercedes, bmw and lexus,,
while small kids in the hood struggle to keep on walking while their feet bleed,,
small kids in our hood bought beautiful flower to be given to their lover,,
while small kids in the hood struggle just to know what the real flower is,,
small kids slept in the warm room and water bed,,
while small kids in the hood slept in the ground surrounded with skies,,
small kids decided to have fun every day,,
while small kids in the hood struggle for a mile just to have 1 hour lesson,,
small kids in our hood wore guess, prada and channel,,
while small kids in the hood wore another people's dress,,
small kids in our hood wore expensive jeweleries,,
while small kids in the hood struggle just to keep alive,,
small kids in our hood always complain how bad their food is,,
while small kids in the hood even sleep with hunger every day,,
small kids in our hood cried why they had a bad life,,
while small kids in the hood struggle just to keep smiling every day,,
we call this place hood,,
and they call their place heaven,,
xoxo,
xxrejectedxx
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
haiku makasi temple,,
when i am hungry,,
i look no further to one
place we called temple,,
haiku, 19 dec 2006
ABCD
huahh,, ada yang mulai nglanjutin blog ni y,, saya juga tidak mau kalah! huahuah,,
tetapi apakah yang mau saya tulis?
halah,,
cape la,,
abcd:
ah, bego! cape dee,,
xoxo,
xxrejectedxx
tetapi apakah yang mau saya tulis?
halah,,
cape la,,
abcd:
ah, bego! cape dee,,
xoxo,
xxrejectedxx
Friday, December 15, 2006
haiku tangis,,
anjing menggonggong
ya, kafilah berlalu,
ku pun begitu,,
ya, kafilah berlalu,
ku pun begitu,,
berteriaklah,
mengaduhlah wanita,
ku tak mau tahu,,
cukup bagiku,
sakitku terhadapmu
bagai lembayung,,
ini hujanku,
badai, tetes di mata,
ku ingin pergi,,
surga menjelang,
neraka menjilatku,
aku pun mati,,
haiku, 15 dec 2006
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
heartbreaker?? huahuahauaha
hihihihiihh,, kadang gw suka geli sendiri tiap kali liat fs mantan gw,, hihihiihh,, y elaa,, heartbreaker?? huahuahauahaha,, anjingg,, sumpaa,, ngakakk abis gw,, huahuahauahauha,, heartbreaker yahh??? huahuahauhauaha,, XDDDD
y mpunn,, sobb,, lo da ngancurin ati sapaa?? gw?? sorii niy kalo gw rada geer dikitt,, tapi y mpunnnn,, justru gw malah seneng lageeh,, ati gw g serapuh itu koo,, dannn,, lebih lagi, dari dulu gw emang g punya perasaan papa ke elo koo,, swear. i was just tryin to work it upp. but it didnt workk,, lagiann,, sapa dulu yang ngmg2 minta balikk,, huahauhuahauha,, y mpunnn,, dasr bocahh,,
anjingg,, huahauahuahauaha,, anjingggg,, kocak abis da lo yaa,,
y mpunn,, sobb,, lo da ngancurin ati sapaa?? gw?? sorii niy kalo gw rada geer dikitt,, tapi y mpunnnn,, justru gw malah seneng lageeh,, ati gw g serapuh itu koo,, dannn,, lebih lagi, dari dulu gw emang g punya perasaan papa ke elo koo,, swear. i was just tryin to work it upp. but it didnt workk,, lagiann,, sapa dulu yang ngmg2 minta balikk,, huahauhuahauha,, y mpunnn,, dasr bocahh,,
anjingg,, huahauahuahauaha,, anjingggg,, kocak abis da lo yaa,,
Sunday, November 12, 2006
Thursday, November 09, 2006
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
...me...
eyy...
why does it feel so sucks to be alone again... when u got nothin to do, when u r left behind, when no one understands u, when u have no friends... ahahah... but kno what... i enjoyed it, sumhow. i felt like im the most perfect man in the world. too perfect for them to realize. they cant see the bright future deep inside my eyes. they cant feel the warmth of myself. they cant understand about a man that only has one shout to the people: "i juz dun want to be alone"...
haha..
pathetic isnt it?
yeap. pathetic=a desperate man seeking for real love... he even died for that... know he's killing himself... now... by smoking, then by drugs, after that i want to be killed by a shotgun. either it'll be done by me or by somebody... hahah...
suicide... nice word isnt it? very beautiful word that can affect every people's mind and heart... it contradicted itself by the nature of religion. the culture. the people. they only can say 'dont' without giving the solution. so what's their points? dunno yet, but my next ambition is to spread out my shoutout to the world -> 'suicide is best way to end up ur problem'... suicide man.. suicide! im just a weak capricornian who seeks some kind of love.
love? is that another 'nice' word done by me...? NAH... its not!!! love is sucks... dunno why... i just felt like so... cuz everytime i try to love sumone, she always left me with the most sickening act. fuck! i hate it, man... i fuckin hate it... thats why, right now im too scared to make love with everybody. including boys. i fuckin hate relationship, dude... see... i told u, im capricornians... and every capricornians had suicidal tendencies inside our head. no matter how small it is, every capricornians have...
ahhh... sucks... i just want to break up a lil bit. im so fuckin tired and so fuckin sick from all of this. i fuckin' hate everybody. i fuckin' hate myself. i just want to die, man... i just want to put a nice shotgun inside my mouth and start triggering it. just like kurt cobain did...
but,
i won't die as a stranger. I WILL DIE AS WELL KNOWN PERSON. no matter i'll be a rockstar, politician or rapist. i swear everyone will know me and after that... bam... i'll shoot my own head... ahhh... cant wait for that moment to come... ahahahah...
see, im psycho isnt it?
well, the correct term for that is schyzophrenia...
sumhow, i felt like i have a different 'me'. and that different 'me' is always pushing and pushing me to straight up a lil bit. but fuck man, i can't. i juz want to be me. i want to kill the other me. so that's why i want to kill myself...
ahhh... fuck...
go fuck ur mom,
i'm leaving now...
xoxo,
xxrejectedxx
why does it feel so sucks to be alone again... when u got nothin to do, when u r left behind, when no one understands u, when u have no friends... ahahah... but kno what... i enjoyed it, sumhow. i felt like im the most perfect man in the world. too perfect for them to realize. they cant see the bright future deep inside my eyes. they cant feel the warmth of myself. they cant understand about a man that only has one shout to the people: "i juz dun want to be alone"...
haha..
pathetic isnt it?
yeap. pathetic=a desperate man seeking for real love... he even died for that... know he's killing himself... now... by smoking, then by drugs, after that i want to be killed by a shotgun. either it'll be done by me or by somebody... hahah...
suicide... nice word isnt it? very beautiful word that can affect every people's mind and heart... it contradicted itself by the nature of religion. the culture. the people. they only can say 'dont' without giving the solution. so what's their points? dunno yet, but my next ambition is to spread out my shoutout to the world -> 'suicide is best way to end up ur problem'... suicide man.. suicide! im just a weak capricornian who seeks some kind of love.
love? is that another 'nice' word done by me...? NAH... its not!!! love is sucks... dunno why... i just felt like so... cuz everytime i try to love sumone, she always left me with the most sickening act. fuck! i hate it, man... i fuckin hate it... thats why, right now im too scared to make love with everybody. including boys. i fuckin hate relationship, dude... see... i told u, im capricornians... and every capricornians had suicidal tendencies inside our head. no matter how small it is, every capricornians have...
ahhh... sucks... i just want to break up a lil bit. im so fuckin tired and so fuckin sick from all of this. i fuckin' hate everybody. i fuckin' hate myself. i just want to die, man... i just want to put a nice shotgun inside my mouth and start triggering it. just like kurt cobain did...
but,
i won't die as a stranger. I WILL DIE AS WELL KNOWN PERSON. no matter i'll be a rockstar, politician or rapist. i swear everyone will know me and after that... bam... i'll shoot my own head... ahhh... cant wait for that moment to come... ahahahah...
see, im psycho isnt it?
well, the correct term for that is schyzophrenia...
sumhow, i felt like i have a different 'me'. and that different 'me' is always pushing and pushing me to straight up a lil bit. but fuck man, i can't. i juz want to be me. i want to kill the other me. so that's why i want to kill myself...
ahhh... fuck...
go fuck ur mom,
i'm leaving now...
xoxo,
xxrejectedxx
...Love, Like...
In front of the person you like, your heart beats faster
But..
In front of the person you love, you get happy
In front of the person you like, winter is just beautiful winter
But..
In front of the person you love, winter seems like spring
If you look into the eyes of the one you like, you blush
But..
If you look into the eyes of the one you love, you smile
In front of the person you like, you tend to get shy
But..
In front of the person you love, you can show your own self
You can't look straight into the eyes of the one you like
But..
You can always smile and stare into the eyes of the one you love
When the one you like is crying, you end up comforting
But..
When the one you love is crying, you cry with them
The feeling of like starts from the ear
But..
The feeling of love starts from the eye
So
If you stop liking a person u used to like,
all you need to do is cover your ears
But..
If you try to close your eyes,
love turns into a drop of tears and remains in your heart
forever
...How Fool I Am...
how fool i am
i let you touched my heart
how fool i am
i filled my mind with memories about you
how fool i am
i put my hope on you
how fool i am
i closed the window of my heart for the other stars
how fool i am
because i thought that you’re my morning star
how fool i am
i haven’t realize that i’m not allowed to wait you anymore
how fool i am
because i still see you as my morning star
Monday, July 31, 2006
The Suicidal Note of Kurt Donald Cobain, 1967-1994
To Boddah
Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complain-ee. This note should be pretty easy to understand.
All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years, since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community has proven to be very true. I haven't felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guity beyond words about these things.
For example when we're back stage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowds begins., it doesn't affect me the way in which it did for Freddie Mercury, who seemed to love, relish in the the love and adoration from the crowd which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can't fool you, any one of you. It simply isn't fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I'm having 100% fun. Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on stage. I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it (and I do,God, believe me I do, but it's not enough). I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. It must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they're gone. I'm too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasms I once had as a child.
On our last 3 tours, I've had a much better appreciation for all the people I've known personally, and as fans of our music, but I still can't get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There's good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little, sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man. Why don't you just enjoy it? I don't know!
I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds me too much of what i used to be, full of love and joy, kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function. I can't stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable, self-destructive, death rocker that I've become.
I have it good, very good, and I'm grateful, but since the age of seven, I've become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along that have empathy. Only because I love and feel sorry for people too much I guess.
Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I'm too much of an erratic, moody baby! I don't have the passion anymore, and so remember, it's better to burn out than to fade away.
Peace, love, empathy.
Kurt Cobain
Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your alter.
Please keep going Courtney, for Frances.
For her life, which will be so much happier without me.
I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!
ps. : ... someday I would like to die like he did... Ummmhh... How 'bout now?
Speaking from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complain-ee. This note should be pretty easy to understand.
All the warnings from the punk rock 101 courses over the years, since my first introduction to the, shall we say, ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community has proven to be very true. I haven't felt the excitement of listening to as well as creating music along with reading and writing for too many years now. I feel guity beyond words about these things.
For example when we're back stage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowds begins., it doesn't affect me the way in which it did for Freddie Mercury, who seemed to love, relish in the the love and adoration from the crowd which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can't fool you, any one of you. It simply isn't fair to you or me. The worst crime I can think of would be to rip people off by faking it and pretending as if I'm having 100% fun. Sometimes I feel as if I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on stage. I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it (and I do,God, believe me I do, but it's not enough). I appreciate the fact that I and we have affected and entertained a lot of people. It must be one of those narcissists who only appreciate things when they're gone. I'm too sensitive. I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasms I once had as a child.
On our last 3 tours, I've had a much better appreciation for all the people I've known personally, and as fans of our music, but I still can't get over the frustration, the guilt and empathy I have for everyone. There's good in all of us and I think I simply love people too much, so much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little, sensitive, unappreciative, Pisces, Jesus man. Why don't you just enjoy it? I don't know!
I have a goddess of a wife who sweats ambition and empathy and a daughter who reminds me too much of what i used to be, full of love and joy, kissing every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function. I can't stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable, self-destructive, death rocker that I've become.
I have it good, very good, and I'm grateful, but since the age of seven, I've become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along that have empathy. Only because I love and feel sorry for people too much I guess.
Thank you all from the pit of my burning, nauseous stomach for your letters and concern during the past years. I'm too much of an erratic, moody baby! I don't have the passion anymore, and so remember, it's better to burn out than to fade away.
Peace, love, empathy.
Kurt Cobain
Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your alter.
Please keep going Courtney, for Frances.
For her life, which will be so much happier without me.
I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU!
ps. : ... someday I would like to die like he did... Ummmhh... How 'bout now?
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